Blonde Arabs Are Bad
by shan-chan2
Summary: Poor Trowa, he just can't get a moment's peace...


**_BLONDE ARABS ARE BAD_**

Written by Shan-Chan.

_This is the second story in the "are bad" series, created by Spirit Wolf. I just came up with the idea for this story, so I wrote it! ^-^ (Quote taken from Neon Genesis' 'Kaworu Nigisa') "The series is good, it is the highest achievement of the Lilim culture."_

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Gundam Wing, and I don't own any of the characters in it, so don't sue me! But I can tell you now that if I did own Gundam Wing, I wouldn't be sitting here at this lousy computer typing these stories. 

It was a quiet day in the Winner mansion; Trowa was walking through the vast expanse of hallways, admiring the art, like he did every other, normal morning. 

"I have been here for 5 weeks now, and I haven't even had time to explore all the hallways yet", Trowa muttered to himself. 

One of the reasons he escaped to where he was now was to get away from the 'Blonde Terror'. Trowa sighed, he really did like Quatre, he even loved the 'Blonde Terror' he just tended to get that little bit too obsessive sometimes. Like just recently. It all started last Friday… 

"Trowa?" Quatre whined. "Yes Quatre" Trowa answered. "I forgot" "…………" Silence. "Trowa…" Quatre asked. "Hn?" Trowa replied. "Um…slipped my mind," Quatre giggled sweetly. "Oh, okay" Trowa sighed. "Um, Trowa, I remember now!" Quatre giggled again. Trowa raised his eyebrow. "Um…uh…mmm… okay, I forgot again" Trowa shook his head. "Tro-" "What Quatre…" Trowa snapped. "Am, I your friend?" "Yes…" "YAY!" Quatre glomped Trowa. Trowa sighed. "Trowa…" "Hn?" he answered. "Do you love me?" "Uh…" Trowa hid behind his magazine as a bright shade of crimson spread over his face. "Um…yes I mean…" Trowa mumbled. Quatre's eyes went all large and watery. "Really?!" "Yes…" Trowa was so ashamed of himself 'stupid, stupid, stupid…' "OH TROWA I LOVE YOU TOO!" Quatre squealed. Trowa sighed a huge sigh of relief. 

**

* * * 10 minutes later * * *

**

"TROWA!" The said boy cringed; this was starting to go beyond a joke. "TRRRROOOOOWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAA!!" "Yes Quatre?" "I really forgot this time" Quatre smiled innocently. Trowa sighed. "Trowa…" "Hn?" "You're my sweetie right?" "Yes I am" "Trowa…" "Quatre can I make a suggestion?" "Sure!" Quatre smiled. "Can you please switch to de-caff?" "But I don't drink coffee…" "Switch to de-caff anyway…" "Oh, okay" This time the silence stretched for over a minute. "Trowa?" "Yes…" "Are we going to sleep together?" Wufei chose this point in time to walk into the kitchen. "Of course we will Quatre" "Ah! Onna of all weak onnas! Ahh!" Wufei screamed, rushing out of the kitchen with a huge nosebleed. "Trowa?" "…" "Um, can't remember…" "Okay" "Trowa?" "Yes…" "Can I go shopping?" "Sure thing" "Okay, I'll go later…" Trowa crossed his arms and sighed. 

*** * ***

"Bye Trowa!" "Good bye Quatre" "I'll be back soon…" "That's what I am dreading" Trowa mumbled under his breath. "What was that? I didn't quite hear you" "Nothing, nothing at all…" "TROWA!" "WHAT!!!" Quatre went all teary eyed and gave Trowa 'the look' "You yelled at me…" "I'm sorry, I need a coffee…" "Okay then" Quatre smiled brightly at Trowa. "Bye" "TROWA!" Quatre yelled "I FORGOT MY WALET!" "Just leave Quatre!" "Okay, bye!" "Bye" 

*** * ***

Trowa was sitting at the kitchen table, he was all alone and it was quiet, way too quiet, even for someone like him. He was reading a good book, and was drinking a rather nice cup of coffee. He could hear a door shut quietly. "TTTTTTTTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWWWWWAAAAA!" Trowa jumped, the book went flying and hot coffee went all over Trowa. Trowa's uni-bang flopped right into his face. He just sat there. "Oh Trowa, what happened to you?" Quatre asked. Trowa was very tempted to say, "You happened to me" but instead he settled for; "um a really loud noise startled me" "Oh, okay, um Trowa, what are you doing at the moment?" "I have to go and find Heero, he is going to teach me how to self detonate properly" Trowa mentally slapped himself. 'That was so stupid'. "Um, Trowa, is that really necessary?" Quatre asked. "Yes, it is" "Oh goodie, can I come?" Quatre's eyes went all big and sparkly. "No" "Aw but Trowa…" "No!" "Kay…" Trowa walked away to find Heero. 

*** * ***

"Okay, this is a fake detonator, and this is a live one…" Heero showed each to Trowa. "Can I hold it?" Trowa asked. "Sure, just be careful…" Heero instructed. Trowa gingerly grabbed the detonator and held it, testing its weight. "How many times have you picked this up in the past year?" Trowa asked. Heero looked at him. "I usually contemplate using it 3 times a week, but I actually end up picking it up at least twice, so by my calculations…" Heero pulled his laptop out of thin air (AN: or maybe from his thin spandex ^-~) and started to type. "104 times in the past year…" Heero mumbled. "Oooookkkkkaaaayyyyy…" Trowa mumbled, "Total nut bar" Heero shot him a glare. "Well you wanted to know…" Trowa looked at him. "It's similar to the one in Heavyarms, so I am pretty sure you know how to use it…" "Hang on a second, what do you mean 'similar to the on in Heavyarms'?" "I have seen the detonator in that Gundam before Trowa…" "Are you telling me that YOU TRIED TO SELF DETONATE IN HEAVYARMS?!!" Trowa screeched. "Um, I just wanted to… you know, try it out, like a test drive kinda thing…" "Oooookkkkkaaaayyyyy…" Heero shrugged and turned the opposite way to Trowa. "Hang on a second, Trowa, isn't that-" "TTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOWWWWWAAAAAAAA!!!!" Trowa's instant reflexes kicked in and he accidentally pressed the button on the detonator. Wing Zero went sky high. "My…my mobile suit…" Heero whispered. A piece of Wing Zero flew past Trowa and smacked Heero square in the head. Heero just stood there staring. "Um, sorry Heero, Quatre is just becoming a lot like Relena lately, he has this real weird obsession with saying my name." Trowa tried to think of anything that would stop Heero from killing him. "My…mobile suit…Zero…" Heero replied, he burbled and fell to the ground. "Oh Trowa, what happened?" Quatre asked. "Um, I thought…um… hey Quatre?' Trowa stumbled over a whole heap of things to say. "Yes Trowa?" "Um I have to go and find Duo now, could you take care of Heero for me?" "Sure, bye!" Trowa literally ran to find the Deathscythe pilot. 

*** * ***

"Now, just lay back and relax…" Duo smiled evilly as he brought the shower hose down on Trowa's hair. "This won't hurt, will it?" Trowa asked. "No, but it will help you ward off Quatre" Trowa smiled to himself. "ACK! DUDE DON"T DO THAT!" Duo yelled, utterly mortified. "Do what?" "Smile" "Sorry…" Duo had just finished washing Trowa's hair now. He grabbed a brush and brushed it back. He then started to braid it. Once he was finished he went to his wardrobe and pulled out a rather tight looking leather costume. "You will have to wear this." Duo smiled. "Black…leather?" Trowa said with as much calm as he could muster. "Yeah, but it has more of a latex feel…" "So, it will make me feel like I am wearing a full body condom?" Trowa asked. His face turning red. "NO!" Duo yelled, also going red. "Oh, alright…" "One more thing…" Duo smiled slyly. "You have to go…Commando…" "Um… excuse me?" Trowa coughed, his face turning a brighter shade of crimson. "Commando, you know, noting under neath? All your undies are belong to me…" "What you say?" [1] "Well, if you don't want to go commando, you could wear this…" Duo held up a skimpy black G-string for Trowa to see. "I can't wear that, or those 'commando' pants" Trowa's eyes were almost popping out of his head. Duo giggled, it wasn't everyday that you saw the silencer this embarrassed. "Why not?" Duo asked. "Because, your…um… thing has been on it!" Trowa blushed even more. "Well, there's no need to worry about that, I've worn your jeans before…" Trowa fell over. Duo smiled and grabbed Trowa's hand that was sticking up in the air and twitching. "Here, I'll show you how good it feels…" he placed Trowa's hand between his legs. "OH MY GOD! I DIDN'T NEED TO FEEL THAT!" Trowa yelled he stood up and glared at Duo. Duo turned on his most seductive smile and winked at Trowa. "Sorry Tro, but you in leather turns me on…" Trowa promptly fainted. 

*** * ***

Trowa woke up. For some reason his clothes clung to him a little more than usual. "W- what happened?" Trowa mumbled. "You passed out…" Trowa was lying in a big bed. He sighed and rolled over, clutching his head. He came face to face with a naked Duo. "OH MY GOD!" Trowa yelled, he jumped to his feet. "Aw, but Trowa…" Duo sighed. The sheet came down a little more, revealing another inch of Duo. Trowa swallowed a little too noisily. "Um, Duo, if you want to be relived, why don't you go and see Heero or something, I am sure he would be more than happy to oblige." Trowa was going red again. Duo stood up and started to walk across the room; without the sheet. "Why would I do that when I have you here…?" duo asked. He ran a finger down Trowa's now leather-clad chest. "Because I am a taken man!" Trowa yelled before loosing all self-control and bolting out of the door. "What a nut bar…" Duo mumbled to himself. 

**

* * *

**

Trowa walked down the hallway. Something shiny caught his eye. He stopped and studied it for a while. "Two dollars…" he muttered quietly to himself. He decided that he would be safe picking it up, and bent over to do so. He wasn't aware of the fact that Wufei had just almost walked into his ass. "OH MY GOD BARTON! WHAT THE HELL?" Wufei yelled. His nose started to bleed almost instantly afterwards. "Sorry, Wufei, these pants are a little tight…" Trowa grunted, pulling out a wedgie. "I figured…" Wufei sighed; the tissues jammed up his nose muffled the sound of his voice. Trowa dropped his head down in-between his legs and watched an upside down Wufei walk down the hall. "Do I really turn people on that much?" Trowa whispered to himself. He looked up as the door swung open. Quatre walked in, carrying Heero, who was still muttering something about Wing Zero. There was still a piece of the said mobile suit imbedded in the Asian boys head. Heero looked up and saw 'Duo'. He jumped out of Quatre's arms and ran up to 'Duo' "Oh Duo, Trowa blew up Wing Zero *kiss* and now, I want to *kiss* take your *kiss, lick* clothes off and-" "Alright, that's enough Heero" Quatre coughed. "Meet me upstairs in five minutes…" Heero Smiled. His finger played with his bottom lip. Trowa nodded and tried to smile back. Heero looked at his strangely. "Duo, have you done something with your eyes?" "Um… I decided to try contact lenses." "Okay, what about your smile? What happened there?" "Tooth ache." "Okay, see you in five" Heero's eyes went all large and glittery. He ran upstairs, tossing his clothes off as he ran. Quatre went all teary eyed and started to yell. "TROWA!! TROWA WHERE ARE YOU?" "Ack!" Trowa coughed. "Oh, Duo, have you seen Trowa?" Quatre asked, with a look on his face that could melt Heero Yuy. "Um, I think he went into town to buy you something" "Oh, okay, um do you have a cold or something?" Quatre asked. "You don't sound quite right" "Yeah, um… a cold… that's it" Trowa replied, slinking away to the relative safety of Heero's room. (Shan-Chan's readers comment: Relative safety? HAH! Please don't make us laugh…) Trowa quietly shut the door behind him and turned around. He saw one of the weirdest things he had ever seen, Heero Yuy, lying naked on a bed. A small river of blood started to flow from Trowa's nose. "So you came for me after all Duo" (AN: Heero still doesn't know that Trowa is dressed up as Duo) Trowa nodded, he was in too much of a gaze to really care. "I thought I was going to have to jack off…" 'Way too much information' Trowa thought to himself, the image of Heero going about his business was now lodged in Trowa's mind. "So, um what did you want me for?" Trowa asked. "Um, what do you think I want you for?" Heero replied lazily. "Okay then if you won't answer that, then answer this; what do you want?" A small seductive smile crossed Heero's lips. "You" he replied, launching himself across the room and latching onto Trowa. 

*** * ***

"Oh Trowa, there you are!" Quatre giggled with delight as he spied Trowa coming from Heero's room. "Oh, hi Quatre" Trowa replied, he was actually glad to see Quatre after what Heero had just done to him. "So, what did you get me?" Quatre asked. "Um, this" Trowa replied, he gave Quatre a kiss on the lips. "Mmm, that's a nice present" Quatre giggled sweetly. He blushed and turned away from Trowa. "What's wrong Quatre?" Trowa asked. "Oh, nothing, just a little problem…" "Can I help you?" Trowa's face and voice were full of concern. "Oh Trowa, yes you can!" Quatre cried before leaping into Trowa's arms. Trowa immediately 'felt' what Quatre's problem was. 

*** * ***

"Oh Trowa…" "Gak!" "TROWA!!!" "GAK!" "OH TROWA!" Wufei stopped outside of Trowa's room. He could hear the voices coming from the inside clearly… He opened the door a little bit. It sounded like they were… He peeked inside and got greeted with something he would have rather not have seen. He shut the door as blood started to gush from his nose. "Omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod" Wufei whispered to himself. He hoped sincerely that he hadn't just seen what he thought he saw. 

*** * * 3 days later * * ***

Trowa was now totally paranoid. It had been 3 day since all this had started. Now as soon as Trowa heard his name he either broke something or jumped 5 miles into the air. "Trowa!" Quatre giggled *SMASH! * "Sorry Quatre" "Trowa, that was my last tea cup…" Quatre scolded. "I didn't mean it…" "That's okay then" 

*** * ***

"Okay finally, I have finished with the custom refits on Heavyarms" Trowa said, a little too happily. "Um, why is it blue?" Quatre asked, wrapping his arms around Trowa's waist. "Don't you think that orange was a little bit too noticeable?" Trowa replied, placing a small kiss on the tip of Quatre's nose. "Yeah, I guess you do have a point" 'This is the first time today we have gone for more then 5 minutes without saying my name…' Trowa thought to himself. Quatre smiled and looked up at his taller love. "I love you Trowa" Quatre smiled. 'I take that all back' "I love you too Quatre" 

*** * ***

"TROWA! TRO-CHAN! T-KOI! BARTON!" Everyone was calling for Trowa. Trowa had locked himself in his room and he wasn't coming out. He giggled insanely to himself as he clutched his little Quatre plushie to his chest. "Now they're all calling for me, but they will never find me…" "TROWA!" "Not Heero…" "TRO-CHAN!" "Not Duo…" "BARTON!" "Not Wufei" "T-KOI?" "Not even you, my dearest Quatre…" More insane giggling. Trowa stopped giggling and listened intently. Someone was walking towards his room. He crawled over behind the door and waited. The door slammed open and missed his nose by mere millimetres. Wufei had entered the room. Trowa smiled as Wufei tried the lights. Trowa had taken the globe out earlier that day. Wufei stood, bathed in darkness. Trowa slammed the door shut. "Barton?" Wufei asked. He was greeted with an insane giggle. "Creepy" Wufei whispered under his breath. "Welcome to my little nightmare…" Trowa giggled before lunging at the unsuspecting Wufei. 

*** * ***

Trowa giggled insanely as he glared at the pilots, all tied to chairs, gagged and looking scared. "You…all made me… what I am… SHUT UP!" Trowa twitched and yelled. "Especially the blonde one…" he glared at Quatre, who shrunk back into his chair. They had all come to the conclusion that he was oh, so insane. "And, now I am going to leave you all here so I can be in peace, SHUT UP!" Everyone sweat dropped. A week had passed and he had managed to catch all the Gundam Pilots. "Now if you will excuse me, I have some stuff I would like to do." 

*** * ***

And that is how Trowa came to be wondering the halls of the winner mansion in peace. 

**OWARI!**

*Wipes forehead* Geez, that one has taken me a while, I really hope you all like it; because I think it is cool. Well, please review this because it is worth a review and if you don't review then you suck -_- joking of course! 

~Shan-Chan~ 

[1] ever heard of Zero Wing? All your base are belong to us? well thats what it referes to. way groovy, if you ever see it get you hands on it, it is a good laugh. 


End file.
